Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Please Don't Say Sorry....

These days a lot of moms have blogs, and it seems A LOT of moms with kids with special needs have blogs.  For many of us it's therapeutic, cathartic even. We want people to understand us, our frustrations, our fears and most importantly, how awesome our kids are.  That being said, I stumbled on a link to a post written by a mom with a child with Down syndrome.  It was about the things parents don't want hear when they tell someone their baby has Ds.  Many of the comments she wrote about, I've heard many times since delivering Carl into the world and well, I'm going to add my own two cents.

In the hours after finding out about the diagnosis, as I tried to sort out my emotions, two things became clear.  One, I didn't want people to pity us.  Two, I didn't want people treat my son differently.  So the LAST thing I wanted to hear from people is, I'm sorry.  Sorry for what? There's nothing to be sorry about, we were given a beautiful, perfect baby boy. Now, I'm not naive, I know not everyone was going to see it that way, and unfortunately, we got our fair share of, I'm sorry. To this day I still brace myself for the worst when I tell someone.  I even had person tell me, "that's the attitude you need" after telling her a number of times, there is nothing to be sorry about, my kid's amazing.  I mean seriously? Am I supposed to cry myself to sleep every night over this? I actually do the complete opposite, I wake up every morning to the most beautiful baby, who's just so happy and smiling, he sets my day off to the best start.

Back to that post I read, the mom also goes on to say, she hates it when people say, "God only chooses amazing parents like you." She went on to say, she feels like people are saying her child's a burden and only "special parents" can handle this. She says she and her husband are regular parents just like everyone else. Well, I disagree.

That comment is the one I have heard the most in various versions.  I don't however, take it as an insult, but a complement. This journey is not for everyone. If it was, 90 percent of women who receive a Down syndrome prenatal diagnosis wouldn't terminate their pregnancy.  Yes, the rate is that high, it's so sad.  We are now on a completely different path and I know there will be more bumps in the road. Children with special needs should go to the best loving homes possible.  

I feel honored God chose us to be Carl's parents and by the way, he's not a burden, in anyway. He's honestly, the sweetest, easiest, most darling baby to care for.  

I leave you with recent pictures of Carl and I ask you, why on earth would anyone feel sorry for us?


  1. He is so ridiculously cute Sara! Definitely nothing to be sorry about it...unfortunately unless you are on this journey, I just don't think there is any way for people to "get it". We are the lucky ones :)

  2. You are right Amber, people don't "get it". My husband was telling me that he told a friend of his the other day about Camden and his friend said "Oh, I'm so sorry." So my husband asked "why?" His friend just looked at him and said "Uh...I don't know". And Sara you are right...if everyone were special enough to be parents to these little ones, there would be more than 10% here! Carl is a doll!

  3. People don't get it. They have no idea how blessed we are. My son is special needs and still living at home at 30 years of age. He is my life and brings such joy.Carl is precious.

  4. I think this is wonderful that you are Blogging about this journey. I have friends that have adopted children with special needs, it has been a fun journey to be on with them. It has taken the tabu part of this away. The more we as a society talk about this and other special needs, the better we all will be. I would love to share your blog with them, if you don't mind? Sending all my love and joy your way!!

    1. Thanks Nindy,

      Please feel free to share this blog! I hope by writing it I'm changing some people's perceptions about Down syndrome.